Today I noticed in my facebook suggestions that a good friend of mine IRL had finally created an account. After trying to add him, though, he wrote me a message revealing how he mainly intended to use FB for family and very close friends. This of course I was totally cool with, and wrote back as such, but it got me thinking about all the people who become a steaming pile of butthurtedness when others don’t use social media the way they want everyone to use it.

This is what burnt me out about twitter. Back in the day, twitter was actually used to talk about yourself and your life. Now twitter is more of a link sharing service, which I would be fine with if I didn’t have to deal with a bunch of assholes telling me I can’t tweet about my breakfast. Cream of wheat is delicious and nutritious, to hell with you if you don’t find that fascinating; someone on the internet will.

Social media is built with an unparalleled level of versatility and customization. I think that intimidates people who lack intrapersonal strength and security in their identity. So, instead of having the balls to just do what they want regardless of external feedback they seek to control the actions of others so their actions are justified. This makes for a very uncreative echo chamber rather than a social atmosphere of authenticity. That’s why we end up with jackoffs on twitter who complain about my cream of wheat; underneath their bitching and shallow attempts to control is the hollow, bromidic shell of a truly uninspired soul.

So rock on, my antisocial FB friend; you are doing the word a great service by doing your own thing.

Today I’m going to be focusing on a man named Chris Voss.

Now, I’ve known some dickheads in my day. I’ve even known some dickheads who were spammers. But this guy takes the cake.

Now, keep in mind. I’ve been active in the Digg community again, as well as a few other social networks. I’m not hardcore into the scene these days, but I do my part. As such, I get a lot of requests from people either asking for advice on how to get a good article frontpaged on Digg, or just asking to check out their submission.

This is all cool. No problem. Most of these people are just looking for a helping hand.

Then there’s Chris Voss.

I get the following IM from this douchebag earlier tonight.

Voss: YOU MUST SEE THIS ULTRA FUNNY FUNNY VIDEO ¸„ø¤º°¨ ¨°º¤ø„¸ NEXT VIRAL VIDEO [LINK REMOVED] RETWEET! RETWEET!

First off, it reads like a spam email. It’s not personalized. It’s not asking me to spread the link. It’s a demand, and it’s got glittery text shit in there.

My first response is “Fuck this guy”. But then I realized I could have a little more fun.

The following took place.

Me: Ugh, really?

Me: You don’t get “viral”, do you?

Voss: what am i missing

And this is when I sent one of the longest messages I’ve ever put into an IM window.

Me:

Well, a number of things. You can’t spread something in hopes of it going viral and CALL it viral. That’s counterintuitive.

Second, you’re begging way too hard for attention to your links. Your Twitter just repeats the same stuff day in and day out, it’s full of strange text decorations like some MySpace page from 2005, and is generally hurtful to the eyes.

Third, your Twitter profile says you’re a “Social Media Pro”, but looking at your social media profiles, this seems to be a total fabrication. Go look at @zaibatsu or @atomicpoet. Those guys get social media and how to use it. You don’t. Your profile is spewing about 20 tweets an hour for the same thing. You only interact with a few people (just the ones that seem to be retweeting you and further participating in your spam), and there’s little actual discussion.

I could go on and on. And I will.

It looks like you also do social media “Training & Speaking” and “1 on 1 Consulting”. Judging by your twitter stream, I worry for anybody lining up to take your advice. Now, don’t get me wrong; I don’t claim to be a social media expert, myself. I honestly don’t have the time and resources to really dedicate to taking advantage of it, but I’ve got a good grasp on it. The problem with you, though, is that you DO have the time/resources, but they’re going to utter waste.

And there’s a difference between asking for somebody to take a look at some content you found or created, and outright begging for them to spread it as more of a personal favor than actually engaging in any community.

Stuff like this is killing Twitter and Digg.

I hope you don’t take any offense or anything. This isn’t intended to be a personal attack against you. I don’t really know you well enough to make any comments on you as a person, but as a “social media person”, I think you’ve got a lot to learn. You’ve got the ability and the time to dedicate to it, which is great, but by no means would I be putting “Twitter/Social Media Pro” in your Twitter bio just yet.

About five minutes goes by and I see the IM window change between “Chris Voss is typing a message” to “Chris Voss has entered text”. Obviously trying to think of a legitimate comeback.

Voss: No i appreciate you private chat with me on it. I’ll give it consideration. I do do things by design that work for me and are a little differnt than what i advise my international clients. you can see my consulting firm at [LINK REMOVED] I can tell you my programs have been very successful for CEOs and companies I have. Thanks for the input I appreciate it.

What. The. Fuck. It’s like my wall of text had no affect on this dude. He did the online equivalent of looking me in the eye and slapping me right in the face. And managed to push off another link to his services.

For those unfamiliar with #blockmonday on Twitter, please educate yourselves and do your civil duties by blocking @CHRISVOSS.

Social Media Rage reseach: http://digg.com/users/CHRISVOSS/history/submissions

37 of 47 Diggs are self submissions, Most with three Diggs.  Verdict: Chris Voss, not a social media expert.

Anonymous post via SMR Anonymous logon. SocialMediaRage.com not responsible for authorship.

Facebook has attracted the dumbasses. I knew it would happen. They click on every app and ad then their PC gets highjacked with a virus that DDOS’s the shit out of Facebook and Twitter and God only knows what else.

Facebook is not Myspace. Quit clicking on sparkly farie gifs and dumbass apps. (Stupid motherfucker sent you a beer. Send one back?) Fuck your beer, fuck your gifs, and fuck you. It’s fucking morons like these that ruin the web for the rest of us.